I started this in an other post but due to all that I had to say it made sense for me to separate it in two parts. If you miss the first part, just click here
If you missed it please read it before starting to read my story.
Before explaining you how I discovered the truth about my gender, I wanted to expose to you all the questionings and problems that suddenly had a sense the day I got told about my special condition.
All my life I had doubt about being a boy, I felt something were missing, and I even got to start an hormonal therapy during my 20’s. But I never expected to discover during my 30’s that those feelings were in fact based on something !
A simple scar that I had never noticed answered everything, even medical problems that no one had been able to explain during my 20’s….
To get to those answers, the way have been really complicated for multiple reasons. The first one is that doctors don’t want to recognise this condition as it should create giant problem for them as the surgery have been made without any consent.
To be honest when my breast got to grow and milk the first time they first searched for a cancer, and it’s only after few hospital stays that they got out of any answers to give to me.
This is where I started to dig, and had someone pointing the scar in my crotch and telling me to search why it had been here. And I can tell you she got me in the right way. Documentation about that kind of surgeries are not well documented on medicines manuals, and I had to find the procédure informations on a German urology manual from the 50’s.
With all that knowledge it had been easier to search for answers, and to find the evidences to understand what type of intersex I could has been. This is where they detected my mosaic genetic condition that mix XY and XX cells (it’s called mosaic Klinefelter). The presence of one ovary that we considered have been missed when they removed the females genitals, got us to think the female genitals had to be a full one, so from the elements we could see it have been concluded that I was (probably) a true hermaphrodite.
What effect do it have on my life? well it makes everything complicated for sure… having a cycle far more complicated than women get have really unpredictable consequences. It induce and modify all my feelings and emotions for exemple, and to tell you everything. Now that I know my difference, I always try to adjust my position, but it’s really hard and take sometimes all my stamina. It also at sometimes get me really tired and I can’t get out of my bed. Depressive states could also be a consequence. So when I say that I want to meet others to see how they handle their difference, I’m really not kidding…
It also makes me get to do specials exams time to time, like mammography (apparently my breast are perfect when they are grown, this is the operator that told it to me for my first one)
The good aspects for all that? I adjust perfectly with persons depending of their gender, understanding how they could feel, and interact with them properly. You may compare it to a chameleon.
A more complicated aspect could be the sexual understanding from my partners. In fact the only ones that seems to adjust the best are the bisexual girls. For others I have to act nearly every-times (yes yes I admit it) – my pleasure is based on psychological emotions, then physical interactions.
That discovery helped me to understand why I had all those doubts about me all those years. I felt like I finally understood myself in that quest of having breast for exemple.
This article has never been finished, but I felt the need to share it as it may help some of you to understand me better