In a few minutes it’s my birthday and I kept this post for that exact time.
Well no-one apparently noticed the question mark in the title of my first post… To be honest this was the most important part of that post !
no-one apparently noticed the question mark in the title of my first post…
In the post I really gave you a full view of my visions and of the possibilities I offered for years. But time pass, and hopes fade… At the end I just understood that none was ready to accept (or even to understand) the consequences of an ultimate project like that.
At least I’m sure I helped many to pleasure themselves !
The last 18 years I explored the BDSM and fetish universe, it helped me to understand how the “true deal” need to be. I have seen many peoples thinking they were in real owner/slave situation, but nearly all of them got separated at one point…. In that project I never seen that option possible, and this is why it never worked properly.
I will always be grateful for all the peoples that wanted to own me all around the world, most of them just wanted to meet (or were really not ready), some got me to get really bad experiences (will always remember waiting 24 hours for some-one to pick me at an airport…), maybe a dozen got really serious and we started some great things even if their life always took them back t some point.
I meet some really amazing persons, I made a lot of friends, done some amazing parties (the German Fetish Ball this year -2019- is a really important edition for me…).
I also miss some peoples that left us too early. -fuck I’m crying writing about you Veronica…-. If I had to only speak about the two that left the deepest imprint in me it would be those ones.
Emily who was a fabulous artist; most known her in pictures, but she was excellent in drawing fashion. (two of her designs still figure on my collections…); She has been more than a friend -we lived together at some point- and I will always miss her even if I understand her choice.
Veronica… what to say without falling in tears again? I think the tears answer the question by theirselves… I will just say she was a fabulous women, an amazing dominatrix, a friend… to resume a “crazzy” person -private joke that only her has been able to understand-.
She have been a fabulous -all-in-one- : lover, owner, friend, …
We all had doubt in our lives, and for some of them we knows what could take to this decision, but when you have been to this point you learn to value life, and learn how not to put yourself in that position again (you will better understand my vision now…)
I also got separated from some good friends -for stupid reasons-, that’s why I always say that you can’t base an ownership, thinking your life won’t evolve.
As exemple, falling in love for someone can make everything change and makes people take strange decision; I can think of dozens of other consequences…
All this years left gave me some fabulous moment and opportunities to explore many aspects of the BDSM univers -they are endless-
I meet some fabulous Masters and Mistresses and I will always thankful and happy to be able to meet them. I just can’t write they were my “owners” because in that case, I hadn’t been able to write those lines ! -This precision was necessary as I had to re-think the entire section for that “simple” detail !-
If I only had a regret? maybe continuing to see my body change with my hormonal cycle, loosing my breast regularly and being not sure they will be back… No one understood it was f***ing important to me, stoping me every time I made everything to change this; this is why I insist to say that for important changes you need to have “helping” persons around… I’m sure with a nice waist -this corset idea may be the second point I will miss- could have been fabulous to offer dominants peoples…
And even for me as I know it had make me feel confident and “achieved”
Yes it’s not “normal”, yes people may judge, yes it will be difficult for this reason, but f**k without it I’m not feeling right !
Honestly I hate looking at myself in a mirror when my breast reduce and every time I don’t know if they will be back… -it’s exactly how I feel when I’m writing those lines-
My experience also teaches me that a slave also need to be really careful with the persons that evolve around, cause when you offer yourself to serve “interested” persons will always be around, and even if it’s the objective they will never see the big picture, and will drop you in the side of the road in a really difficult situation. -correction : horrible situations-
If you get in that situation always tell yourself it’s not your fault, it’s not because you are stupid, it’s just because you were happy to give yourself to someone that you were thinking understood you… An trust me, my intelligence played against me, and I’m really happy to have been strong enough to resist even if I’m not sure to fully rebuild myself one day as it’s still really hard to recover today…
-Maybe that’s also why I end with this conclusion today-
I have today a strange taste of unfinished, but after all we always say that it’s when we are not searching or expecting something that it may happen, So I will always stay open but not anymore actively seeking or reflecting on the perfect way to do things…
To finish I will just say that life is a bitch ! (oh yes…)
I will always been happy to help others to find their right path in slavery and share what I learned during all those years, and if you’re really about to start your journey of slavery, don’t intellectualise too much, live your life ! We only have one and the time run too fast…
Tonight, it’s not a goodbye…
The door of my happiness, dreams, desires and visions will always stay open.
So many tears have been dropped on my keyboard when I wrote this post…